Sharon Collon [00:00:03]:
Welcome, Monique.
Sharon Collon [00:00:03]:
It is so wonderful to have you here today.
Monique Suidgeest [00:00:06]:
Thank you so much, Sharon. I'm thrilled to be here. Yay.
Sharon Collon [00:00:11]:
So tell me a little bit about you and what you do.
Monique Suidgeest [00:00:15]:
Okay. So my name is Monique Sudge, and I am a mum to four boys between the ages of six and 12. And between them, we have a variety of diagnosis thrown in there. I am also a primary school teacher and. And I'm passionate about helping children to develop and I suppose the lifelong skill of having habits that help their ADHD brain to thrive.
Sharon Collon [00:00:44]:
I love that. And we love a teacher on this podcast as well. We know that you guys do incredible work. Can you tell me a little bit about what inspired you to start looking into ADHD and habits?
Monique Suidgeest [00:00:58]:
Sure. Well, back in 2017, we were struggling with my oldest son, who was only five at the time, and we had been to a variety of professionals looking, looking for help. And we were told at the time that despite him having symptoms of adhd, he was too young to consider a diagnosis and medication. So, feeling like we had no other option, I had to look to the lifestyle factors that were contributing to his symptoms. And that's sort of what led us down. What led me down the path, I suppose. So it's been a journey of almost eight years now of just looking at the ways that we can manage the symptoms through lifestyle. And although he has now got an ADHD diagnosis and then obviously his younger brothers have as well, it's just something that we've just, over the years, really worked to focus on, considering what we can control in our environment to help him to be the best that he can.
Sharon Collon [00:02:02]:
Yeah, I love that you said that, too. And a lot of parents go into this bit of a gray area, especially at that young age. So they go, they know that something's going on. Perhaps they're getting their feedback from the school or they're noticing it themselves. And we know ADHD is genetic.
Monique Suidgeest [00:02:16]:
Right.
Sharon Collon [00:02:16]:
So they might be recognizing some traits from other family members as well. Well, and then they go through the process of going to get the diagnosis only to be told too young, there's nothing we can do at the moment. And they've got to look around for some other ways to support their gorgeous kids. And so tell me a little bit about the science of habits, like what made you delve into habits in particular?
Monique Suidgeest [00:02:43]:
Well, I think I just started noticing that it wasn't at first, for example, it was food that we started making changes with. That was a big one for us. So removing additives and things and artificial Colors like that really made a big difference for us. And then I think over the years, I just sort of found that it's not. It wasn't just food. It was also the relationships that we had. It was, you know, the ex. Things like exercise and moving our bodies and just the environment that we were in.
Monique Suidgeest [00:03:15]:
Because we would find that at school. My oldest was actually masking his symptoms. So that was the other thing that made it really hard because his kindergarten teacher would say to me, oh, he's amazing. I WISH I had 20 of him. And then he would get home and unleash everything onto us because he had been so hard trying for six, seven hours of the day to hold it all in. So I think that's what I started to realize and why I went down the habit route of just making him aware as well. Oh, look, this is actually just something that we're doing without realizing. Let's just be a little bit more mindful and have a different approach, a conscious approach to the things that we're doing automatically, like coming home and getting frustrated with us as opposed while at school, being able to maintain and mask, I suppose, conducive to that environment.
Sharon Collon [00:04:09]:
And it can be really tricky for, for our kids that do that masking because, you know, like, we're not getting that feedback from the teacher that they need necessarily support. But we know when they come home, it's like, you know, it becomes like a pressure cooker environment. And they like. It's like someone. One of the doctors explained it to me, like, like someone when you shake a Coke can and it's like it's shaking and shaking all day and then it gets home and it's.
Monique Suidgeest [00:04:37]:
And it. Yeah, and.
Sharon Collon [00:04:40]:
And you know, taking some of the sting out of that, you know, for everyone. Because it's not nice for our kids to lose control either.
Monique Suidgeest [00:04:48]:
They don't.
Sharon Collon [00:04:48]:
They don't like. It's not nice for us. It can put big strain on the family. So thinking about habits now, and you know, I know that you've done. You've got some resources and things about the habit loop. Can you explain to people about what that is? Like, what's the science behind habits?
Monique Suidgeest [00:05:04]:
So I mean, firstly, I suppose to actually define a habit is it's a behavior that we've just. Through repetition, we actually just. We just do. We take action without thinking about it. You know, for example, using myself, when I go and order a coffee, I automatically order the large. I never can consider ordering a small or a medium. I always just go and order a Large coffee. Don't even think about it.
Monique Suidgeest [00:05:28]:
So. And James Clear in his book Atomic Habits, speaks to habits being really trying to solve the problems of life with as little effort as possible. So it's automatically doing an action without thinking about it. And I suppose that's the challenge when we're trying to create new habits, especially if, you know, for our ADHD children, it can be particularly difficult. Difficult. But we need to consider. Yeah, the habit loop, which consists of a cue, the routine, and the reward. And I mean, that's.
Monique Suidgeest [00:06:05]:
That's the basics of it. Depending on who you are, which habit expert you actually. The reading and the research that you do, it can differ slightly. Some people say there's four steps, but essentially it's. The cue is what prompts us to take the action. The routine is the actual action, and the reward is what we get the feeling that we get of completing that action.
Sharon Collon [00:06:29]:
I just want you to just take a step back from the mic a little bit because the camera's shaking a little bit when you. The. The camera's moving around a little bit. And don't worry, we'll edit that out. Okay, so now thinking about ADHD and habits, so we've got our habit loop, specifically in relation to supporting our children. What are some of the key habits that parents should focus on for helping our kids?
Monique Suidgeest [00:06:58]:
So one of the first ones that I always say is. Seems so basic, but is water and staying hydrated. Because the science is there. We know that hydration and ensuring that we are hydrated actually improves our cognitive and brain function. And on the flip side, sometimes as adhd, we forget the basics like drinking water. So again, making a conscious effort to actually make sure that we're drinking enough water. So one way that I've implemented that in my own house is that I have cups on the kitchen bench for each of the kids. And they know in the morning, we fill the cup up and we have a drink of water before we do anything else.
Monique Suidgeest [00:07:42]:
It's just something that I've built into their routine as automatic. And the way that I facilitate that is making sure that the cup is on the bench, making it easy, making it obvious, because that is also. We can talk more about environment down the track, but the environment that we are in is just crucial. The environment that we're providing for children is crucial for being able to help them form the habits. So water is one of them. I've already mentioned food. Food was a really big one for us, being mindful of any additives or preservatives. If you are sensitive to those, which I know a lot of the research now is saying for ADHD kids that we are sense they are sensitive to toxins and things like that, and making sure we're getting enough protein.
Monique Suidgeest [00:08:34]:
Again, there's a lot of science supporting that for kids with adhd. The other habit that I really like to ensure my kids do each morning is exercise. So we actually have a little mini trampoline ins our house, which we brought in during winter last year, just, you know, so they could actually burn off that energy. And that actually helps to help to facilitate their brain and make sure it functions throughout the day at school.
Sharon Collon [00:09:01]:
It's really interesting what in ADHD coaching we're taught about these, like, pillars of ADHD management, right. And it's sleep, diet, time in nature and exercise. And these are. These are the things that, like, form a, you know, like the slab of the house in terms of management. And when those things are done well or those things are, you know, optimized for that individual, whatever that looks like, then we seem to have a better, you know, control of some of the challenges or executive function challenges that come along with adhd. And we know, you know, when, when you're talking about the artificial colors and preservatives, the. The research that I've seen is actually that it affects all children. And the Southampton 7 study, you know, increasing behavioral issues, hyperactivity, impulsiv, sorts of things, you know, so these are the things that.
Sharon Collon [00:09:52]:
That are quite important, but not easy to implement.
Monique Suidgeest [00:09:57]:
No. And speaking to a habit for that, I always just say, my mum's a bit like, oh, what can they have when she's trying to feed the kids? And I'm just saying, just flip over the packet and look at the ingredients. Like, it's. It's something that takes you less than a second to actually do. And you're right, it is completely overwhelming. And as I said, I've been on this journey for a really long time and that is where I did start was looking at food and things like that. So I certainly, you know, believe that Rome wasn't built in a day. And we need to also keep that mindset as we are looking to be a bit more aware of the habits that we're trying to help our children develop.
Sharon Collon [00:10:39]:
Yeah. And it's. It's cool to know, to pick your battles as well. Like, I. I think when my kids are at parties, I just, like, let them go. Right. Because we did the GAPS protocol and we did all sorts of, like, really restrictive diets back in the in the day. And, and it did contribute to my voice feeling a little bit more isolated.
Monique Suidgeest [00:10:58]:
Right.
Sharon Collon [00:10:58]:
So now our baseline is we just keep it neutral in terms of colors and preservatives and we try and go like Whole Foods as much as possible. That's that kind of baseline. And, but at parties and things I just say, like, how about it? Go to town. Right. But I know that there's a three day fallout from those things. So I'm not booking family photos for the next day. I'm not booking anything in that requires, you know, I know that those three days after there's going to be a fallout, there's going to be a consequence from that freedom. And so it's, it's kind of, you know, being able to pick your battles essentially, like decide on the risk that you're going to take.
Sharon Collon [00:11:37]:
But, but being realistic about, you know, what's going to happen from that. Would you agree with that?
Monique Suidgeest [00:11:43]:
Oh, absolutely. And we 100% the same. Like, you don't want your child to feel like they already are too familiar with feeling shame and embarrassment because of that, you know, that daily of, you know, feeling of being different and, and knowing that their brain works differently and things like that. So we don't, my husband and I, 100% agree. We don't want to ostracize them. I actually use it as a teaching moment and speak about it with the kids and say, this is, we usually avoid it. You're going to a party, we're going to allow you to make the choices that you want to make. Whatever happens happens.
Monique Suidgeest [00:12:20]:
But then afterwards we might just say, you know, if one of mine has a sore tummy or anything like that, especially my little one, I'll say, okay, this is why we do usually change it. But it's okay. Like, you don't, you know, when it does happen, we meet that with compassion and with understanding and just bringing that awareness to, okay, this is why we do make, that generally make the choices that we do make. But yeah, I love it that you just say three days. I think that's, yes, acceptable usually.
Sharon Collon [00:12:48]:
And so thinking specifically about, you know, maybe a habit that you've supported other people with or you've implemented in your own family. I'm just trying to pick a really neutral one. Something like, you know, like shutting kitchen cupboard doors. Okay. Or something, something like that that's quite neutral. Like, we know that the ADHD brain is often a couple of steps ahead. So like, once they get the thing, they're already moving on to next step. And you know, I always encourage parents to, to decide, only tackle like one thing at a time.
Monique Suidgeest [00:13:19]:
Right.
Sharon Collon [00:13:19]:
And kitchen cupboard doors wouldn't be high up there in my priority of like things that I'm going to sweat about. But it, you know, at the same token, we definitely want our, to empower our kids to know that they can establish new habits and they can learn new skills. We don't want to flip onto the side of learned helplessness when it comes to ADHD either, or giving up. What is an example of a habit loop or a habit that you've been able to implement? You know, going through that sequence of that cue, you know, action, reward, to be able to inspire parents about how they can implement that in their home.
Monique Suidgeest [00:13:57]:
Well, I mean, look, it's just one of the most basic ones. But just for, again, depending on the child and the age, I think that's really important. And if parents, that's going to be taking anything away, I think you need to meet your child where they are at. So my youngest can, he can get up and he will dress himself and that's great. His next older brother will be in his pajamas all day. Unless I say underwear. Underwear, like you need to go and put your underwear on. So it's just again meeting the child where they are at.
Monique Suidgeest [00:14:33]:
For my older child, making the bed, he has just at the age of 12, realized that when he gets up. And again, I think the thing is with habits is that in establishing new habits, we need to remember that there is a lot of pressure on parents because we need to facilitate that change. And often we are bogged down in survival mode, trying to get through. I mean, for me, as I said, four boys, life is fairly hectic in our house. So it's just more about the queue. When he gets up out of bed, you make the bed. That's the action. And then the reward is just that he actually feels good for having made his bed.
Monique Suidgeest [00:15:19]:
And we celebrate that as well. I think celebrations are really big part of the reward as well. And he often would say, oh, I just, oh, there's just stuff everywhere in my room and okay, mate, well, let's work together. Let's get your clothes all sorted out, let's minimize the clutter, let's have as little there as possible. And that's coming back to the environment. And as you know, so when we're looking at the queue and the routine and the reward, there's so much that goes into that. So it's the, as I said, the prompt of getting up out of bed straight away doing it rather than me having to ask him to do it later. He now knows because I would say, oh, you need, before you get to watch tv, you need to go back and make your bed.
Monique Suidgeest [00:16:04]:
So because it was another step he before he had to take was to go back to his room and make the bed. He's now realized that it's much more efficient and it saves his brain, it conserves energy for him just to actually do it straight away. And I think that's the important thing to remember for any parents is that ultimately it is a lifelong skill that we're trying skills that we're trying to teach these children and it is about ensuring that we're giving them the right environment and that in time it is going to conserve them energy. It takes a lot of energy on our part and a lot of effort, but in time it will become easier.
Sharon Collon [00:16:45]:
So thinking about, oh, first I want to flag a little bit. You know, a lot of people with ADHD have limiting beliefs about habits, right? So they hear the word habit and they're like, oh no, I can't establish new habits. And I just want to reassure our listeners that that is not the case at all. We've already got habits, right? We already run so many patterns of behavior. It's just whether those behaviors are serving us or they don't. Like for example, the example I always use is I've got this habit of like I brush my teeth and you stack it in. You know, we need to talk about habit stacking in a minute. But like I brush my teeth and I rinse three times.
Sharon Collon [00:17:26]:
That's just a habit that I've got. And then if I only rinse twice, I feel weird, like I got the habit. So that's kind of accessing that part of our brain that's that automatic habit forming part. But I've already established the habit of it being three times and then naturally without even thinking of it, I'm doing it three times. Then for some reason if I'm interrupted and I only do it two, something feels off and I'm not able to put pinpoint why. And that's that automatic part of the brain that is something for an established habit. Do you find that that's helpful for other things?
Monique Suidgeest [00:18:01]:
So what do you mean by that helpful?
Sharon Collon [00:18:03]:
Just to, you know, like to be able to go into that automatic part of your brain that is, you know, you're not consciously using willpower then you are just going into that habit.
Monique Suidgeest [00:18:14]:
Absolutely. And that's why again referencing back to James Clear, where He says that that is essentially what habits are. It's helping to solve the problems of life. We say problems, but obviously just, you know, meeting the needs and requirements of life with as little effort as possible. It's just autumn, and that's what the ultimate goal is and why I've created ADHD habits. Speaking again, to being a lifelong skill, if we can cultivate these habits in children when they're young, it is going to serve them. You know, if they can continue with them these lifelong skills, it is going to serve them when they're older. So I think it's definitely, you know, again, going back to the making of the bed or the.
Monique Suidgeest [00:18:55]:
The drinking of the water or what it might whatnot. I think having those conversations with your child about the habits, making them aware of the behaviors and the actions that they are doing, oftentimes they don't, you know, they don't realize what they're actually. You know, a lot of us don't. I'm sure that there's lots of habits that I have, and my husband will remind me of them every now and again if I'm not too familiar. But that ultimately is the goal to be considering the habits that are going to, like the pillars, as you referred to before, that are going to help the ADHD brain to thrive, and instilling them in our children when they are young and being consistent with that across home and school as well is, I think, really important.
Sharon Collon [00:19:44]:
And so thinking about now, like, going into that limiting belief, right, because we do get, you know, people like, oh, no, I can't. I can't do. I can't do. I can't learn new things, or it's. Or it's too hard or whatever. And I really want to reassure people that we weren't like, not many people with ADHD lose their phone, right? Like, not very like there. There is occasionally, but not many people, like, we weren't born with the phone, especially in my generation, would have loved it, but it wasn't, right? So. But we don't tend to lose our phone that much, which means that we've somehow picked up the habit of.
Sharon Collon [00:20:13]:
Of checking and carrying it around. We've picked up the habit of driving. Like we're driving unconsciously. Like, we've. We've established that through repetition. Now we're driving and we're not thinking about driving. We're just. It's happening automatically.
Sharon Collon [00:20:25]:
You know, there's lots of other things that we. We have actually established, but we know for ADHD and there's. There's there's kind of mixed science around this about how long it takes to form a habit. And, you know, you know, there was the whole like 30 days to form a habit. And the, the thing is with ADHD is that we know that it definitely takes longer to establish the habit. But the good news is that once they establish the habit, they tend to hold onto it longer. They tend to really ingrain that. Can you tell me a little bit about timings for establishing these habits?
Monique Suidgeest [00:21:00]:
I think you're right. It is really mixed. The research on how long it actually takes. And that's why I think it's important with the START acronym that I've developed is we're looking to take small baby steps. That's. That's what's really important because we want to make it as easy as possible and as obvious as possible for these habits to be established. And that's the other reason why I think tracking is a really effective method. And I always suggest to the families that I work with that when you are beginning to track your habits, you put the habits on there that they already know how to do, so they get that sense of reward for, oh, yes, okay, I can get dressed.
Monique Suidgeest [00:21:43]:
You know, they already know how to do that. We're sort of trying to build them up and increase their confidence to know that they can do it. Because you're right, the limited beliefs that is certainly there. And I think it's really important that before even trying to establish habits that would help the ADHD brain, that you believe that you can. And that needs to come again from the parent, the caregiver, the educator, to believe in the child that it might be hard, but we can do hard things. And like you say, we weren't born with a phone, but we certainly don't often forget to take it with us. So I think that when it comes to time frames, I just think that we really need to bring it back to simplicity. And just as you had mentioned, changing one thing at a time and taking baby steps.
Monique Suidgeest [00:22:37]:
Okay, so if you can complete the habit. And one of the other suggestions in the ADHD habit guide that's available for free on my website is to ensure suggests. It suggests that you should be able to do it in two minutes or less. I would say 30 seconds or less potentially for ADHD as children, when we're beginning. So again, going back to the water example, it can only take 30 seconds to drink a cup of water. Okay. So it doesn't. It depends on what the habit actually is in terms of making a bed.
Monique Suidgeest [00:23:08]:
You can just be pulling the sheets up. It might be started with pulling the sheets up, or it might just be making sure the doona and all of the sheets are on the bed to begin with. And then the next step might be actually to make it. Okay. I think it's really important that we're celebrating any change that the child is able to establish that's moving them in the right direction.
Sharon Collon [00:23:31]:
Love that. Okay, so then there is like this, obviously, because the parents that are listening to this podcast, then, you know, just like your family, just like my family, got a lot coming at them. Right. And sometimes when we're introducing a new habit, we get over it before our kids do. Like an example, like, you know, we've go and buy. There's never ever a more hopeful person than a person who's buying some sort of reward chart and all that sort of stuff like that. I'm. I'm not a big fan of reward charts for behavior, but, you know, sometimes when we're doing, like, habit tracking and things like that, we can go, oh, like, like we can.
Sharon Collon [00:24:16]:
We can fall off before our kids do. And so our kids might even be prompting us, like, hey, I did the thing. And we're like, oh, like, that's last week's news. Like, don't actually do it. Have you got any suggestions for helping parents continue with this, you know, when they're under pressure?
Monique Suidgeest [00:24:33]:
Yes. So that. That's a really good one because I have certainly been there myself. And the reward chart, I am with you 100%. I had been given that as a suggestion back in the day, and it absolutely did not work. And that's why when we talk about dopamine, which, again, the research is still inconclusive, I suppose, in terms of habits, but we know that dopamine is released and processed really quickly by the brain. So if we're going to reward for a new habit, potentially it needs to be during or within milliseconds of the new habit, actually action having been taken. So another example is my children take a little.
Monique Suidgeest [00:25:16]:
We call it juice powder. It's just their supplement. Juice of a morning. And to begin with, my children didn't love it, but for one of them, he gets to get my phone and he gets to watch an episode on ABC Kids. So during he's watching that, that's his reward as he's actually undertaking that new. That new habit. Okay, so. And that's.
Monique Suidgeest [00:25:41]:
I mean, you were talking before about habit stacking, I suppose, so you could consider it. Yeah, that as well is another Method.
Sharon Collon [00:25:50]:
And just for our listeners as well, if you haven't heard of habit stacking, do you mind letting them know what that is? Because I feel like that's important.
Monique Suidgeest [00:25:58]:
Yes, of course. So. So there's the bundling. I mean, that was probably more an example of habit bundling where. So I've got a new habit of taking the juice powder and I'm putting it with the watching of the tv. So when it comes to habit stacking, it's actually when I. If you've got an existing habit. So when I have performed that action, then you add another, the new behavior, the new habit onto that one.
Monique Suidgeest [00:26:27]:
So.
Sharon Collon [00:26:27]:
Yes, yep. Okay, that's it. You know, work putting something on top of a already established habit. Yes, yes. And to make it easier for integration. Okay, and so tell me a little bit about what the future holds for ADHD habits. What are you, you know, wanting to achieve with your incredible business?
Monique Suidgeest [00:26:50]:
Yes, well, so it's, you know, obviously just new. I've been within my local community, I've actually been running some little meetings where I meet with other parents who are facing similar challenges. So that's been an important part of what I've enjoyed actually doing. Obviously continuing to work with clients. I have the ADHD habit tracker available on my website and with the discount code of tfm you can actually get that for free for your listeners.
Sharon Collon [00:27:26]:
I'll put a note to that in our resources.
Monique Suidgeest [00:27:29]:
Beautiful. And I also have available a 12 week undated organizer at the moment. So that's actually, it's intended to be to bridge the gap between home and school. So that's a physical organiser which has the habit tracker in the actual organiser and it has an area on each day where the child can list their priorities and it actually people can use it different ways. I've had some families use it if they've got a split family. So it might go between houses just to help the communication for that child. And in other ways it's worked between going to school and that's intended to help build on the strengths and to reinforce the strengths of the child. So if they've done something amazing at school, the teacher might write something really positive and then they can bring that home and that can be discussed with the parents, just trying to reinforce the strengths.
Monique Suidgeest [00:28:24]:
And I also have available on the website a free ADHD habit audit. So I think it's really important before we can look to make changes, we have to consider what we're actually doing at the moment that perhaps we want to try and change so you can actually book a free 15 minute call with me through our website and. Yeah, amazing.
Sharon Collon [00:28:47]:
Now before we go, I just want to touch on intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation and adhd. And we know a dopamine has a role in this. Like dopamine is the motivation that drives us to action. How do you feel about, you know, a lot of our ADHD family members are very good at doing things that they have intrinsic motivation for making the bed or whatever. Like the things that we're trying to establish these habits is not usually what is intrinsically motivating for them. Tell me how you go about assisting that to be. Assisting our beautiful family members to be motivated to develop these habits when they're not intrinsically motivated.
Monique Suidgeest [00:29:32]:
Sure. I think, Yeah, I think that's. Sorry, I've got something in my eye.
Sharon Collon [00:29:39]:
Oh no, no, sorry, we'll have to edit that one. Yeah, no worries.
Monique Suidgeest [00:29:44]:
Sorry, can you just. Maybe before we. Can you just explain sort of what you mean by that? Like, so you're suggesting that obviously they've got it intrinsically and so there's intrinsic.
Sharon Collon [00:29:56]:
Is with when the motivation comes from within you. Extrinsic is when it's coming from external and you know, thinking about habits, you know, like things like brush our teeth and stuff like that, we, we want our kids to do that but they don't care about it that much. So we're just looking at different ways of motivating our kids to be able to, you know, participate in that habit formation.
Monique Suidgeest [00:30:20]:
So did you mean how do they get to. Sorry, when you said more. I've still got this thing in my eye extrinsically. Did you want me to expand on extrinsically or intrinsically? Because I mean intrinsically because they're doing it to try and appease us or for. Is that what you mean? Or what do you want me to sort of. Yeah, expand.
Sharon Collon [00:30:43]:
Well, just on different ways that we can. If they're not intrinsically motivated. Right. Which, which for some of like the things that we want them to do, they wouldn't be intrinsically motivated. Which means it's going to be harder to establish the habit.
Monique Suidgeest [00:30:57]:
Sure.
Sharon Collon [00:30:57]:
Essentially. And so is there any ways that you, you've seen that you can help a child form a habit when they're not intrinsically motivated? Because once they establish the habit. Right. It. They then go into autopilot. And so it's, it's accessing that part of the brain. But, but with intrinsic motivation you've got this gap of where this bit between we're not intrinsically motivated and we're not in autopilot yet. So how do we get them from here to here? Does that make sense?
Monique Suidgeest [00:31:27]:
Yeah, yeah. No, I just didn't know whether you wanted me to. I think that's the thing. It's really a combination of the two. I suppose that my son didn't, you know, didn't enjoy being told he had to make his bed. But I suppose coming back to the celebration, when we celebrate what he has done, that does. That's ex, like, that's extrinsic, like, I suppose that he. And I know what you're saying in terms of how do we actually get there.
Monique Suidgeest [00:31:58]:
And I suppose that's where you've got to find what works for your child. Because again, with my children, it might be watching some, having some screen time, it might be having some time on the Nintendo Switch, it might be getting to go for an ice cream or a boost juice or something like that. And again, I know we need to be mindful that the reward should be immediate and I suppose that's where we have to be providing and supporting the child with those rewards. And another example would be my children back in the day. They don't now because it's now just part of their habit and they don't ask for it, but when they did have their powder, then they would be given a few chocolate chips.
Sharon Collon [00:32:42]:
Chips.
Monique Suidgeest [00:32:43]:
So morning time, getting to have chocolate chips. Not pretty, not. Not standard. I'm sure that most parents wouldn't be giving their kids chocolate, but for me, it's. The end goal is that I want them to be able to have the supplements that I know that are going to help them throughout the day to stay calm. And so I provide them with something that. That helps them, I suppose. So whether you consider it a reward, it's really.
Monique Suidgeest [00:33:08]:
It can be really tricky to establish and to work out what works, works for each child. And that's why it is trial and error and realising that if you take two steps forward and you have one step back, you're still one step forward. And I think that's really important when we're thinking about the mindset that we need to face with these challenges, it is not going to happen immediately, it is not an overnight solution. This is about establishing lifelong skills that are going to help our kids and working out what is going to motivate them on that day, on that week, on that month, perhaps what they're into at that point in time. And that's about knowing your child as well, I suppose.
Sharon Collon [00:33:54]:
Yeah, and really, I mean what I've heard you say is that we're just getting them to the point where they can do the task without having to dedicate energy to it. It. Right. Like so they can use. Save the energy for the stuff that they're great at and that they're. That they're more interested in. Like we're getting through the boring stuff so that easily so that they can use the energy for the stuff that they're. They're excited by.
Monique Suidgeest [00:34:21]:
Yeah, that's right, exactly. And I mean speaking going back a little bit. Sorry to what you were saying in terms of helping parents. When we get a little bit bogged down with having to keep on track with these new habits that we're trying to establish, I think we need to make sure our habits are supportive and that our habits are effective because it's certainly. It's not going to work for our child if. If it's not going to work for us. And I like to actually have that with the PDF that's available on my website. You can actually print that out and I have a clipboard for each of my kids and every week I just print that out with.
Monique Suidgeest [00:34:55]:
I've got the PDF saved on my computer. I print that out, I get them to write it up. It's really becomes their responsibility because again we need to be the support, we need to provide them with the effective environment. But we are trying to put the ownership on onto them. We won't get it right all of the time. And there might be. You might go a few days and you haven't done it and if you need to throw it in the bin and start again, that's okay. And I think that's where it comes to giving ourselves grace that so long as we have a mindset of being conscious of trying to help them establish these habits, that's the most important thing to begin with.
Sharon Collon [00:35:36]:
And you know, when we drop habits, which we all do, we just, we can pick them back up again. We don't need a whole new system or a whole new like we can re. Sparkly that thing, but we like we don't. It's not ruined. Like I would just want to encourage people that it's not ruined.
Monique Suidgeest [00:35:53]:
No, that's right, exactly. Like we don't need to wait until January 1st or until Monday morning or until the 1st of the month to start a new habit. Being coming conscious of it is the first step. Becoming conscious of wanting to change our habits. And then if we fall off, if we go a day without we don't go, oh, well, I've already been a day, you know, doing the wrong thing. I'll just go another day. And then another day, it's it's saying, okay, I haven't had the best day today, but tomorrow I'm going to wake up and I'm going to try again and I'm going to really, you know, be conscious of the choices that I'm making.
Sharon Collon [00:36:27]:
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with our beautiful listeners. Can you tell people where to find you?
Monique Suidgeest [00:36:34]:
So the website is ADHD habits.com so you can find products and services there that aim to help support your neurodiverse children. Child with making. Yeah. Establishing and creating lifelong habits that will help them to thrive.
Sharon Collon [00:36:49]:
Amazing. Thank you so much for your time today.
Monique Suidgeest [00:36:52]:
Thanks, Sharon. It's been a pleasure.
