00;00;00;00 - 00;00;30;09
Unknown
Welcome to another episode of the ADHD Family Podcast. I am so happy that you are here. Today I'm going to be talking about energy being your most important currency. Now, perhaps in the past I have thought of my most important thing as time I love anything that saves time. I love anything that I'm obsessed with productivity. I'm I love anything that makes life easier with ADHD and streamlined systems and things.
00;00;30;11 - 00;00;54;25
Unknown
But as time has gone on, I've realized that the most important currency that I have to play around with within my control is actually my energy. And from doing coaching, I know that you guys are feeling this as well, that we are at an increased burnout risk and I want to help protect you from some of that with some of these really practical tools that we're going to go through today.
00;00;54;28 - 00;01;01;10
Unknown
In this episode.
00;01;01;12 - 00;01;27;09
Unknown
Hello, I'm Sharon Cullen and you are listening to the ADHD Families Podcast. I am a mom of three beautiful boys with ADHD. I love being a mom, but my home life was absolute chaos and the stress of daily life had a terrible effect on my health. My husband had so many horror filled stories of growing up with ADHD that I decided I wanted to change the experience for my little boys.
00;01;27;11 - 00;01;56;22
Unknown
So I got to work and I systematically changed and streamlined my family's lives to suit the ADHD brain. And now that I have my family on track, I want to help yours. Do you want a life with your beautiful kids that is more functional, fun and full of joy? Let's explore together the wonderful and sometimes wacky world of raising kids with ADHD.
00;01;56;24 - 00;02;24;23
Unknown
So you guys know that I love a time hack. Love it. Love anything that's going to save me. Time, effort. Make life easier, more streamlined. My intensity with my house grows with all our neurodiversity and my quirks as well. I love anything that makes fluffy love. It very motivated to make life as easy as possible for us. And I used to think that that was the most important thing.
00;02;24;23 - 00;02;54;11
Unknown
Saving time was the most important thing. But I now know that it's actually bigger than that. Energy is my energy is my ability to be able to save time or do things efficiently is based on my energy, and without the energy component, I can't do those things. So perhaps if you're listening to this from a state of burnout or feeling very thin, I want you to know that I would love to share these tools for you to make this easier.
00;02;54;12 - 00;03;15;27
Unknown
Here's a few things to just try and like with you, everything with ADHD coaching, it's an experiment. We just experiment. We try things on for size. We see how they fit for us, and if they don't, if they don't work for us, that's okay. We don't have to keep wearing them. We can try on another strategy. That's the beautiful part of one of my favorite parts that I get to do with ADHD.
00;03;15;27 - 00;03;45;27
Unknown
Coaching is help people try on different strategies and see how they feel on for them. So when we're looking at energy the first time, let's dive into the spoon theory. So when we talk about the string theory, I'm sure you guys have heard this before. It's basically that everyone every day is given a certain amount of spoons and every task that we take or every task that we do rather we spend a spoon.
00;03;46;00 - 00;04;13;04
Unknown
So you might go grocery shopping, there's two spoons. You might talk to your boss at work and that spoon and the idea is that by the end of each day, you've only left with a few spoons or perhaps no experience. And that's fine because they recharge overnight. The trouble happens when you have less spoons to begin with. Not everyone is born or wakes up in the morning with the same amount of spoons.
00;04;13;06 - 00;04;35;02
Unknown
Now people with ADHD have left spoons. Now, you might have heard it because it might be that they're not sleeping particularly well. It might be because they have a disregulated nervous system. It might be because of that low frustration tolerance. And we spend a lot of spoons on stress and overwhelm and those sorts of things. And I want you to know that I am no different.
00;04;35;02 - 00;05;04;16
Unknown
I am, even though I don't have ADHD, I have a chronic autoimmune condition which causes lots and lots of pain and I don't have as many spoons. And recognizing that I don't have as many spoons as the average person was a bit of a journey for me. But on the flip side, one of the positives of it is of recognizing that I don't have as many students to spend is I've become quite concerned with my spoons.
00;05;04;16 - 00;05;25;17
Unknown
I've become a bit of a ninja with my students and very, very intentional about how I spend my students. I want to spend the spoons for my family, for my beautiful kids, for my coaching clients, for my master classes. Those are the things that I want to spend my spoons on. I don't want to send them in the grocery line.
00;05;25;23 - 00;05;47;16
Unknown
I don't want to spend them searching all around the suburbs for a yellow raincoat or something like I'm very intentional about how I spend my things. I want to make sure that I'm giving them away in the line with my values or the things that move the needle as much as I can for myself because I know that I have less to play with.
00;05;47;18 - 00;06;11;03
Unknown
And you might feel the same, especially if you have ADHD yourself, or perhaps you're living with a chronic condition. You have less spoons. So I'm going to share a few things about how we can help you with the amount of spoons that you've got, because when things come up, we handle it right. We've got to work with the cards that we've been given and make them work for us.
00;06;11;05 - 00;06;44;23
Unknown
So I have become a bit of an energy. Ghada I got my spoons carefully because my energy is my most valuable currency, because without my energy I can't do things to save me time. I can't do everything takes me longer, everything that brain fog kicks in and you know, things become harder in general. I don't have the time then or the energy to handle what my kids need from me and to be able to proactively problem solve with my kids.
00;06;44;26 - 00;07;08;10
Unknown
That all that becomes really hard when I don't have that energy. So I want you to become aware of this is step one. We need to become aware of what gives you energy and what drains your energy. And there'll be things that, as you're noticing this, maybe you can just do it for a couple of days or maybe one day, or maybe you can just put reminder in your phone and just ask yourself the question whenever that reminder goes off.
00;07;08;13 - 00;07;28;08
Unknown
What what am I doing right now? Is it giving me energy or draining my energy? Now, perhaps you have a conversation with a colleague at work and you walk away going, Oh, I need to sleep after that, or I need sugar after that. That's a draining activity. Perhaps you like, say for me, it's going for a walk. I love to go for a walk.
00;07;28;08 - 00;07;46;02
Unknown
Often at the start I find it really hard. I feel like I'm walking through mud at every step, but by the end of the walk I am able to move a little bit better and it gives me energy. I often feel energized, makes no sense because energy and expending energy should drain your energy, but it doesn't work like that.
00;07;46;02 - 00;08;10;08
Unknown
It's about what? It's about mental energy as well. It's about using things or seeing things or being out in nature that gives you that gives you some recharge in your battery. So I want you to notice what is sucking your energy and what is giving you energy. And it's really great to notice that because if there's something that's sucking your energy, you might want to put some parameters around it.
00;08;10;08 - 00;08;27;21
Unknown
Maybe you only do that on a certain day of the week. Maybe you only do that in short spurts. Maybe you group those things together so you have the sucky energy day. Whatever works for you, you can stop playing around with it. Maybe it's something that you can outsource. Maybe you don't go to the grocery shops anymore. Maybe you get the things to live it.
00;08;27;21 - 00;08;54;08
Unknown
What can you do to protect your energy? Because you have to be an energy god. And then we're looking at ways of recharging the battery a little bit or having those little pockets of recharge time for your for your energy. So how I incorporate those and I used to think of rest of restorative time very much like, oh, if I could just get a weekend away or if I could just, you know, go back to going Ghana.
00;08;54;08 - 00;09;12;14
Unknown
And if you haven't listened to that podcast episode, please do go back and listen to it. It's everything you ever dreamt of and more. But if I could just do this, if I could just escape for this time or have this big block of time. But the fact is that those big blocks of time are few and far between.
00;09;12;16 - 00;09;43;06
Unknown
They don't often present themselves and you've got to do a lot of work to get there. But you can incorporate into your day little pockets of recharge time. So it might be something as simple if this gives you energy, you know, having your morning coffee out in the sun on the balcony every morning and just spending 5 minutes before you go into that rush of the day and you go into that rush of like, oh, we've got to get things done, just bringing it down for a little bit and just maybe doing that.
00;09;43;09 - 00;10;06;19
Unknown
Three things you can see three things you can smell three things, you can feel it bringing it to you. That sensory awareness that we always ask our kids to do, to regulate, just having that little pocket. Maybe it is something more spontaneous than a scheduled time in like that. Maybe it's something like, you know, when you're waiting in your car before you go into your next appointment, just doing some deep breathing in your car.
00;10;06;22 - 00;10;28;09
Unknown
Maybe it's instead of listening to a podcast like I'm obsessed with true crime podcasts that really freak me out. Instead of doing that on a particular day, you just listen to music that you love so you can sing along and get energy that way. Because for a lot of us in the in this beautiful ADHD community, music keeps you energy.
00;10;28;12 - 00;10;49;06
Unknown
I'm terrified of spiders, terrified that one day someone is going to drive next to me because I have ADHD coach all over my car and someone's going to see me rocking out. And it's kind of embarrassing for me, but I secretly think I'm killing it every time, which can be very embarrassing. One witness is that that I know.
00;10;49;09 - 00;11;13;22
Unknown
So maybe it's about those little moments stealing those little moments where you can all being intentional about escape from those moments, whatever that looks like for you to have those little pockets of what gives you energy to recharge your batteries so that you're not feeling like just giving out spoons all day willy nilly, that you're actually able to to protect the ones you have or even claw some back.
00;11;13;24 - 00;11;34;01
Unknown
So I'm going to say how I plan my wake a little bit because I really want you to be thinking about it when you're conscious of what gives you energy and what sucks your energy and then your your step too, of having those little pockets of restorative time in there. The next step is really about triaging your time.
00;11;34;04 - 00;11;57;21
Unknown
So how I do this and you might have another way that works for you, and that is perfectly okay. How I do this is at the end of every week on a Friday afternoon, I look at my calendar for the next two weeks and I look at it. I picture myself like that nurse in the front of the emergency department, the person that you have to see first before you go through to the emergency department, you explain what's wrong.
00;11;57;29 - 00;12;16;00
Unknown
And she says you can sit outside in the waiting room or yes, you have to come straight through. You know, she's the triage. She's working out what's an emergency? What can wait? What can wait a little bit? What can wait a long time? What? Who couldn't go back to their GP who's not going to be seen today? So this triaging person.
00;12;16;03 - 00;12;39;25
Unknown
So I look at my calendar like that notes fluids and I think, okay, what has to happen? What are the priorities? What things can wait? What things can I put off for a little bit? What things do I need to shift around? Maybe there's a more efficient way of doing those things, but I group my face to face appointments on the first three days of the week because I know I have to have two other days to work on masterclasses and things.
00;12;39;28 - 00;13;01;14
Unknown
So, you know, can I move this thing? Can I change this around? I'm always thinking about what's going to what it's going to look like in that week when I'm triaging my calendar. Is it going to work for me? And it gives you a little bit of time up your sleeve in case you need to cancel something or move something around so you're not letting a person down in the last minute.
00;13;01;16 - 00;13;21;19
Unknown
So triaging your calendar and then a subsequent to that, before I go to bed in the evening, I always do a quick check of my calendar and I use just Google calendars for the next day and I make sure that I'm aware of what's happening the next day. So it might be something like, you know, I got the Father's Day fail because you don't get $5 out.
00;13;21;24 - 00;13;45;00
Unknown
So I've got that ready for the boys. I'm probably more like $20 these days. But, you know, so I'm looking at what's coming up that next day so I can think about it then. Not in the rush of the morning when everything's happening and it's going to eat into my nice calm feeling in the morning. So triaging your calendar is super important and checking in with your calendar.
00;13;45;00 - 00;14;03;26
Unknown
And the reason that I do that on the Friday afternoon is because my work stuff is in my brain then and then I'm going into that Sunday family meeting. And if you haven't listened to the podcast episode where I talk about how we run our family meetings and I've got a free agenda for you there as well, go back and listen to that episode as well.
00;14;03;28 - 00;14;25;15
Unknown
So I go into that Sunday meeting with it in my mind about what's happening the following week and the Sunday meeting is really about looking at not just my and my work commitments, but the family's commitments as a whole. So I'm thinking, okay, we've got to get so-and-so to soccer training. I'm going to need help here. What babysitters do I need to call in?
00;14;25;22 - 00;14;47;25
Unknown
Can Anthony do that one? What can I pass off to? Some of the things to Anthony, you know, because he's not a mind reader. He doesn't know what I need him to do. I need to tell him what what I need help with and, you know, I need to see what I can get the boys to do, what kids can pass off or what bits can they help with.
00;14;47;27 - 00;15;16;23
Unknown
So that's what that Sunday meeting is all about. And then it's really our responsibility to make sure that we are putting some time in for us that aligns with our values. We want to build the life that we want. We are not just workers or mothers or, you know, we are we are bigger than that. And we need to make sure that our life is aligned in our values and we are doing things that light us up and and that we enjoy.
00;15;16;23 - 00;15;43;01
Unknown
Because I really, really want for you and me to have a happy life. We deserve to have a happy life. Our families might have some pretty intense moments, right? Where you have some pretty intense things going on in my family as well. And I'm guessing that you're listening to this podcast thinking, Oh, yes, mine does too. But we are the engineer of our lives.
00;15;43;01 - 00;16;22;08
Unknown
So even despite the intensity, we can build a life that we want or at least put some parameters around it to ensure that we don't burn ourselves out or work ourselves sick. So I always want to be intentional about it and also to make sure that I'm being proactive rather than reactive to my calendar. Now, one of the things I did want to say so after that step is that when people put me on the spot and this happens a lot, so I might get, you know, the kids might say, oh, you know, you're like, I want to have so-and-so for playdate this afternoon.
00;16;22;08 - 00;16;40;27
Unknown
Or someone might say, you know, Do you want to do this on Saturday? I've got a blanket policy where I do not answer straight away. I say, I will get back to you or say, I thank you so much. That sounds amazing. I'll get back to you. And then as I'm walking away, I put a reminder on my calendar.
00;16;40;29 - 00;16;59;27
Unknown
I'm not going to say her name but the iPhone lady, because if I say her name, she's going to chime into this podcast. But I say, Hey, that person, can you put a reminder in my phone to remind me to get back to so-and-so in half an hour? This way it gives me half an hour to think about what's happening.
00;16;59;27 - 00;17;21;15
Unknown
I check my calendar, I check that I can make that work. I check that whether I can, it's in line with my values. I check that I can do it. It doesn't put me on the spot because I've learned that every time I say yes to something on the spot invites me in the bottom because I assume number one from a people pleaser, like I like to be in a position to say yes to everyone.
00;17;21;17 - 00;17;44;11
Unknown
But I assume that future Sharon has all this magical time, Peaches. Sharon has all the time, and she's got it all together. And she of course, she would love to do that. Yes, it's huge. Sharon, She's amazing. Probably means I never get to feature Sharon future Sharon. Chances are, if you do, Sharon has exactly if not more amount of stuff going on that today.
00;17;44;11 - 00;18;06;13
Unknown
Sharon does and she doesn't have any more energy either. So she's got she's depleted the amount of spoons famous today's Sharon. So I've learned to not answer on the spot because that has done me no favors. I always just say, I will get back to you. And then I put a reminder and then I can get back to that person.
00;18;06;14 - 00;18;24;24
Unknown
So I don't forget about it. I can get back to that person. And I'm curious to know whether that's something that would help you as well. I so often here I said that yes to that, but I really can't do it. Or I overcommitted myself or, you know, I've double booked myself or I'm, you know, burning out because I've had too much on.
00;18;24;26 - 00;18;42;23
Unknown
And I wonder in those instances if they could just buy themselves half an hour to think about it however long they need. Whether that could have avoided some of that because we don't want to overcommit because it's no good if we overcommitted, but we're not truly present there anyway because we're thinking about all the other stuff that we have to do.
00;18;42;23 - 00;19;09;11
Unknown
I'd rather be truly there and truly present because energy is our currency and to be a present parent, to be able to handle what's going on in our households and to be able to do things in a time efficient manner, we need energy. And it is the most important thing that we can give to our kids, to our loved ones, to the things that matter to us.
00;19;09;14 - 00;19;31;19
Unknown
So I really hope that those five I think the five steps, let's go through them again. Just to recap, we want to watch what sucks energy, what gives us energy. We're going to incorporate pockets of recharge time. I didn't say enjoy rest and be present, but I did that at the end. I really like you when you are resting to be really be really be present with it.
00;19;31;22 - 00;19;50;05
Unknown
We're going to triage our calendar at the end of every week and every night before we go to bed and have those family meetings. And we are going to say, I will get back to you. The power of the pause. I will get back to you and not answer in the heat of the moment, because we want to build the life that we want.
00;19;50;07 - 00;20;10;18
Unknown
I hope that you love that episode and you can take one or two things away to try. And so you can treat your energy just like it is. It is important. You are valuable and you know you deserve to be able to have the life that you want. But we need our energy and we need all our spoons that we can get.
00;20;10;21 - 00;20;36;25
Unknown
Okay. Have a great day. Thank you for listening to this episode of the ADHD Families Podcast. If you loved it, please share it on your socials. I want this to start a conversation about ADHD. If you want to make this mum do a little happy dance, please leave a review on iTunes. If you would like to know more about what we do, check out the functional family dot com.
00;20;36;27 - 00;20;52;18
Unknown
I truly hope that you enjoyed this podcast and you use it to create a wonderful, effective, joyful life with your beautiful children.
